So a really odd thing happened over the Christmas break – we went on a trip and nothing went wrong.
No breakfast in Brisbane, lunch in Townsville, luggage in Darwin; no emergency diversion to a tiny island in the Pacific. Everything went well.
This, of course, has me terrified, because the Universe abhors happy outcomes and has a way of evening the scales. So, I am now sitting here waiting for karma to kick in and subject me to something really unpleasant, such as both my legs falling off, or being appointed Australia’s ambassador to the United States.
Hopefully, though, this good trip is the balance for a trip I took last year, which unfortunately involved hiring a car.
This used to be a simple operation – you turned up, handed over your licence and credit card and got the car. You then handed it back at the end and all was good except that even if you re-filled the petrol tank to the extent that it flooded the boot, you got charged a refilling fee.
Those were simpler times; these days, technology is involved, and technology is a sadistic jerk.
Hiring the car meant going on-line long before the trip and establishing my identity by handing over my license, credit card, Medicare card, cheek swab, a picture of KISS without their make-up and a stool sample (from me, not KISS), and then being told I couldn’t log on using that device.
What I had to do was use my phone to take photos of my face from various angles, while my co-workers looked on curiously, wondering if I was in fact moonlighting as an ‘influencer’.
Eventually the AI decided I was me (or possibly a member of KISS) and I was allowed to go through the on-line check-in process, which was great practice for doing it all over again when I got to the rental car counter.
I had specifically chosen an early flight because I was going to Rockhampton and then driving to Yeppoon, and I did not want to do that at dusk because that is when the kangaroos are active. Cars and kangaroos do not play well together (this is why you never see them cohabiting in the wild) and according to the documentary Wolf Creek, car breakdowns on lonely Australia roads don’t end well.
Unfortunately, our visit coincided with some sort of military exercise involving, so far as I can tell, every soldier on Earth. Certainly at least that many were disembarking at the same time as us and collecting their luggage.
We decided to let them go first, out of sheer politeness and the fact that they probably had guns.
That meant we left at dusk, prime kangaroo time – so we drove slowly and (foolishly) followed the directions from a smartphone. This was silly – if you can’t find Yeppoon from Rockhampton, you probably couldn’t find your own bedroom door and should definitely not be allowed behind the wheel of a car – but we did it anyway.
That is how we came to turn off the only road to Yeppoon and travel some distance in a neck of the woods that would have scared off a platoon of sovereign citizens.
I have no idea why the phone’s AI took us there – maybe they had a deal with the kangaroos to lure us into an ambush – but as always with AI, you never know what it is really up to. For example, New Scientist recently reported that AI researchers – who clearly have way more time on their hands than the rest of us – decided to see if AI could run a vending machine.
The results might be described as uneven; the machine (and this is actually true) ordered a live fish, stun guns, pepper spray, cigarettes and underwear. I have no idea what the AI was planning, but I want no part of it.
Anyway, we eventually got back to the proper road, outsmarted the kangaroos and made it to Yeppoon, followed six hours later by the rest of our luggage, which in line with standard airline procedure had gone via a detour over Spain.
Thankfully, Yeppoon is beautiful – great place to visit, great scenery and food, and really friendly locals; handy in a world that could use a lot more friendliness at the moment.
On that point, I am going to end on a serious note, because the world is a pretty serious place just now.
Our country is about to have a difficult conversation with itself, and if history is any guide we will struggle to do so in a civil and productive manner; lawyers may, however, be able to help.
We are trained to discuss and debate difficult issues in a calm and courteous manner, without the aggravation and emotional engagement clients often bring. We take the heat out of the situation and help parties work towards a rational resolution; those skills are very relevant just now.
If and when lawyers enter this debate, we need to model the way to discuss emotive and divisive issues in a reasonable and productive way. We can’t be shouting at each other, waving fists and casting epithets; we need to show these issues can be discussed without hate and anger. If we set the example the rest of the country might follow it, and we might end up with a good result.
Our role right now is to discuss these issues calmy, courteously and respectfully – because if we can’t, who can?
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