Keep it real when dealing with vicarious trauma and portraying domestic violence in movies, advises Federal Circuit and Family Court Judge Anne Demack.
The Rockhampton judge spoke of her trauma response to the romance-drama movie It Ends With Us, when she delivered the second Modern Advocate Lecture Series presentation for the year at Law Society House on Tuesday.
Judge Demack said she was “still cranky” about the portrayal of domestic violence in the movie, after having been surrounded by family and child abuse for all of her working life, first as a social worker, then as a solicitor, barrister and judge.
She said her brain could not process the abrupt end of the movie when the female lead easily left her violent husband and went on to live happily ever after.
“My brain thought we must now just be halfway through this movie because now the really scary behaviours are about to start,” she said.
Judge Demack described her racing heartbeat, her anxiety and her need to cover her eyes, because she knew “something horrific was about to happen”.
“And then it didn’t. Cut to a scene of (the female lead) carrying the baby somewhere suburban and pleasant, saying ‘it ends with us’. Cue the credits.
“And I sat there saying, ‘No, no, that’s not how that happens’, and then in the post-cinema thinking time, I started to get cross with the movie.
“What a dangerous idea to share with women – the idea that once you’ve worked out that your relationship is violent, simply tell him he’s violent and you’re leaving and taking his child with you, and he’ll accept that and voila, you’re free to go.
“There was no financial impediment for her leaving, and the first time she decided she was able to, she left, and there were no adverse consequences.
“I’m still of the opinion that domestic violence is not entertainment, and if you can’t use the vehicle of the movie to educate, then at the very least, do no harm.
“And I don’t like the message that it’s the responsibility of women to end the multi-generational cycle of violence – the name of the movie and the book it was based upon – and the message that it’s easy and safe to leave.”
Judge Demack outlined her experience of vicarious trauma from her many years of dealing with family violence and child abuse, including being a member of the Parole Board and the Child Safety tribunal, where she saw content that was “harrowing and disturbing and distressing”.
She spoke to QLS members about how to deal with traumatic subject matter, and the importance of caring, asking “how do you care enough but not so much that it hurts you, what do you do when you find yourself no longer caring, and what are the steps we can all take to care for ourselves so that we can be in the best position to do the very best job for our clients”.
She urged members to recognise signs of vicarious trauma.
“I sometimes feel as though my well of judicial patience has all dried up and it’s only 20 past nine in the morning,” she said.
“I sometimes feel that I have no more capacity to deal with the next story of misery and abuse.
“I sometimes feel that I’ve heard every kind of way about how someone can abuse a person, just to hear of a way which is new to me and to find that I’m no longer surprised at how horrid people can be.”
Judge Demack also urged members to adopt self-care practices, including finding a hobby, setting realistic expectations, taking regular breaks from work, and seeking social support from colleagues and family members.
She said it was also essential to understand the difference between empathy and sympathy.
“Sympathy is the feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. It’s a good and sincere emotion but it’s quite different to empathy,” she said.
“Empathy is what empowers us to make a difference, to keep doing what it is that we’re doing. And of course, in our jobs, we can lose empathy.
“The compete erosion of empathy, it seems, can happen when your trauma responses are overloaded.
“Unless each of us has a personal experience or acquired knowledge base to help us understand the full horrors of the traumatic subject matter that we’re dealing with, our gap in knowledge can leave us ignorant and therefore, lacking in empathy.
“Without it, we’re not empowered and impassioned to respond.
“And if we let ourselves wander too far not the territory of sympathy we lose our professional position, and all of the training in the world won’t help us move through the facts and focus on the work that is needed.”
Judge Demack concluded by encouraging members to take care of themselves and to “keep caring”.
The lecture will be available to members on the QLS Shop.
Judge Alexander Horneman-Wren SC will present the third Modern Advocate Lecture Series event on 29 October. Tickets here.
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