After decades covering courts, the Court Whisperer can assure readers there is simply no way you could make up half the stuff people actually get up to during their often inept and poorly planned criminal escapades.
Case in point was a matter in a Brisbane Bayside court last week. The magistrate was told in detail about the hilarious adventures of a 50-year-old man who “crept through a shopping centre in the dead of night like a drunken ninja”, stealing a stack of groceries and some perfume for good measure.
Call it karma if you like, but the court was told old mate spent four days in hospital after the heist, having been mauled by two pitbull dogs and almost having his two thumbs severed.
Our spies tell us presiding Magistrate Deborah Vasta gave the injured ninja a harsh and stern talking to about the serious nature of the offences, but did add she thought it would have been hilarious to have witnessed his drunken antics first hand.