The newer you for you

It’s that time of the year again when everyone is making their New Year’s resolutions. You know, those promises to yourself that you’ll start exercising, eat healthier, save more money, learn a new skill, or whatever else you think will make you happier and more successful.

But do you really need to make these resolutions? Are they actually helpful or just a source of stress and guilt?

I often reflect on these questions myself and ultimately remind myself that I don’t have to buy into the new year’s resolution hype (as tempting, enticing and all-endorphin-releasing they may be).

In fact, sometimes I think you and I might be better off without them. Here are some reasons why:

• New Year’s resolutions can often be unrealistic and vague. They can set you up for failure and disappointment when you can’t achieve them or measure your progress. For example, how do you know really know if you’re eating healthier or saving more money? What does that even mean? How much is enough?
• New Year’s resolutions are often based on external expectations and social pressure. They make you feel like you have to conform to a certain standard of happiness and success that may not suit your personality, values, or goals. For example, maybe you don’t want to run a marathon or travel the world. Maybe you’re happy with your current lifestyle and don’t need to change anything.
• New Year’s resolutions are temporary and conditional. They imply that you’re not good enough as you are and that you need to change something about yourself to be happy and successful. They also depend on factors that may be out of your control, such as the pandemic, the economy, or other people’s opinions. For example, what if you get sick, lose your job, or face a personal crisis? Will your resolutions still matter then?

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I think it’s worth considering an adjustment in mindset instead: a stoic mindset.

Here are some stoic principles that can help you:

• Live in the present. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. Focus on what you can do right now to improve yourself, your situation or your environment. Practice gratitude for the things you have and try not to take anything for granted. Be present and acknowledge the good around you. As Marcus Aurelius says in his book Meditations: “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think” (Book 2).
• Act according to your nature. Don’t try to be someone else or please others. Try not to compare yourself (I know, it can be super challenging!), but in the words of Dr Seuss, “No one is youer than you” and that is your superpower. Don’t underestimate that. Know yourself and what matters to you. Be authentic and pursue your own version of happiness and success, not someone else’s.
• Use reason over emotion. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment or dictate your actions. Think rationally and objectively about what is good and bad for you. Don’t let external events or circumstances affect your inner peace and happiness.
• Practice virtue. Don’t base your self-worth on material things or social status. Base it on your character and actions. Be honest, courageous, generous, wise, and compassionate. Do the right thing, even when it’s hard or unpopular.

By following these stoic principles, you’ll realize that you don’t need new year’s resolutions to lead a good, happy life. You already have everything you need within yourself. You just need to make the best use of it.

Again, Marcus has a quote for this (well, he has a quote for almost anything in this life!) in his book Meditations.

“People try to get away from it all – to the country, to the beach, to the mountains. You always wish that you could too. Which is idiotic: you can get away from it anytime you like. By going within. Nowhere you can go is more peaceful – more free of interruptions – than your own soul. Especially if you have other things to rely on. An instant’s recollection and there it is: complete tranquillity. And by tranquillity I mean a kind of harmony. So keep getting away from it all – like that. Renew yourself. But keep it brief and basic. A quick visit should be enough to ward off all… and send you back ready to face what awaits you. – Book 4, Mediations by Marcus Aurelius

So, this year, instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I encourage you to consider and reflect on these principles and seek your version of happiness and success.

If you want to set goals, by all means set goals, but set them in a way that is true to you and leaves you empowered as you work through the next year. Minimise the risk of discontent and unhappiness by setting goals that reflect your true version of success, whatever that may be. Set small, achievable, bite sized, measurable but authentic goals.

And remember, the only person you need to impress is yourself.