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‘True romantic’ lawyer waives proper due diligence on fiancé before wedding

A man has shocked colleagues at a corporate advisory firm today by announcing he got married over the weekend to his girlfriend of 16 months.

The loved-up newlywed horrified his corporate co-workers by stating that he knew enough about Marie to know she was the one for him. After living together for the last four months, Caleb has decided that the information he had was sufficient, taking all their date banter and general conversations as fact.

“What about her warranties?” the senior advisor cried in despair at the news, “what about her representations? Those conversations could have been mere puff to seal the deal!”

The firm was accustomed to matters involving partnerships, joint ventures, mergers and acquisitions. Lengthy due diligence questionnaires, data rooms filled with documents, repeated requests for information, and fact-checking were commonplace (and highly advised) to ensure that clients were minimising risk when entering into these new opportunities.

“He should have definitely sent her a questionnaire to ask about whether she picks fights with bouncers after half a bottle of wine,” sobbed the youngest lawyer on the team, “I’ve only been here for five months, and I know that!”

Allegedly, Caleb did not even google Marie before tying the knot, or comb through the results systematically using a spreadsheet to track data, much less conduct bankruptcy or litigation searches.

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“How does he even know who he’s contracted with?” was a whisper reported near the office coffee machine, “how does he know how much HECs debt she has?”

Behind the printer, two consultants took turns breathing into a paper bag, “marriage is a lifelong commitment, and he doesn’t even know what her position is in relation to competitors in the market!”

An internal email between partners allegedly stated that “This [contract] is absolutely going to go sideways.”

Not all feedback was negative though, a rainmaker in the corporate team (and chronic consumer of hair gel) was seen giving Caleb finger guns with the loud declaration of ‘Broooo, what a true romantic! High risk, high reward!’ before sauntering off to a suspiciously long business lunch on the firm credit card.

In a move that was more widely approved of, it is reported that the gaggle of insurance paralegals spent two hours that Monday stalking their Tinder matches on social media. 

The paralegals were last seen drawing up itemised lists of questionable women who appeared in the profile photos of their potential love interest and cross-referencing them with publicly known family members on Facebook. Looks like the lunchtime CPD training sessions have been beneficial for some.

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More to come.

Thank you to The Legal Forecast for sharing its Denuto’s Vibe column with QLS Proctor readers. Enjoy! Author: Annabelle Lee (pseudonym) | Editor: Dana Heriot

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