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Lawyer orchestrates fake kidnapping to actually leave work at 5pm

It’s Friday, 4.45pm in the firm.

As the admins, paralegals and partners start to pack their bags, every solicitor under the age of 30 is gearing up for another rough Friday night of ‘who can stay the longest’.

Between a competitive market, inflation and rising interest rates, the young crowd of lawyers certainly feel the need to justify their main-character syndrome to their higher-ups. However, the group remained blissfully unaware that Jake was secretly gearing up for an early knock-off. 

At 5.00pm, a bunch of black-clad and balaclaved men breach the doors with suspiciously acquired temporary passes. Shouting hostilities and waving fists at the terrified bunch of white collars, they gag and grab Jake and drag him out by the arms and legs. The shocked young lawyers could only look on while Jake screamed for help as he was dragged back to the elevators and into an unmarked van.

5.30pm. Our reporter is on scene with Jake and his previously-balacaved friends in the Criterion, schooners in hand. Jake lets us in with our biggest scoop this month: the entire kidnapping was completely orchestrated so Jake could leave at 5pm.

“Yeah, the boys had just had enough of me turning up late after a while,” he says, between mouthfuls of Furphy. “I was too scared to talk to the partners about better work-life balance so we figured just orchestrating a kidnapping would be easier.

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“The hardest part would definitely have been stealing all the temporary passes from the mailroom. Oh yeah, and the police chase and ditching the van in the brown snake was a bit stressful too. But not as stressful as the anxiety associated with leaving work at 5pm,” he shudders. “I know I’m a lawyer but I’m also a millennial and confrontation just isn’t my thing.”

Back at the firm, there are tears as many of Jake’s colleagues are weeping into their keyboards as they try to process the traumatic events that had just unfolded. However, Jake’s mate Mia isn’t showing much emotion. 

“I was freaking out at first, but I’ve watched enough of Jake’s drunk Instagram stories to recognise his mates’ voices with my eyes closed. What a dog,” she says, rolling her eyes. 

“Not even mad though, it was well planned out. Next Friday I’m going to get the girls in here to shoot me with a tranquiliser dart and carry me out. I’ve already started stealing passes.”

Looks like more to come. 

Thank you to The Legal Forecast for sharing its Denuto’s Vibe column with QLS Proctor readers. Enjoy!
Author: Christian Coulthard | Editor: Dana Heriot

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One Response

  1. This news definitely leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Lawyers are supposed to be the most trusted and respected members of society, but this incident certainly taints that image. Faking a kidnapping just to leave work on time is not only unethical, but it also shows a lack of commitment towards the job. It is good that the lawyer has been caught and exposed, and I hope this serves as a warning to others to not indulge in such unprofessional behavior.

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